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Friday, February 17th, 2006
11:35 pm - Something men never discuss.

My father, in his infinite wisdom, took me aside as a child (12?) and told me I should only use 4 squares of toilet paper to wipe my ass. Change that to I was only allowed to use four squares of TP. Needless to say, I chose otherwise. Twenty or so years later, my sister told me that dear ol' dad did the same thing to her, but he said she could use SIX!

Later in life, I learned a simple rule: Women use four times as much toilet paper than men. In reality, I learned that in doing maintenance and restocking bathrooms. Don't get upset guys, just deal with it. Buy them whatever they want, and four times as much as you would for yourself. Don't complain. Don't comment. Don't say anything about it. If you prefer a different kind, then buy it for yourself and don't be cheap.

If you want to save money, that's not the area you should focus on. Would you buy condoms because they were discounted? A cheap pregnancy test because it's past its expiration? When it comes to cleanliness, safety, and important information, pay the premium. If the cheap stuff is what you genuinely like, OK, more power to ya, but get things for their performance, not their price.

Now, I bring this up, because it's never discussed. Never does your dad sit you down and say, "Son, someday you'll meet a women who's right for you, marry her, and buy her lots of toilet paper." It's something that each and every man seems to have to learn on his own, and I don't know why. Heck, my mother could have told me, my father, anyone! But it was never discussed, and I don't really understand why not.

So I pass along my hard earned lessons. May this simple knowledge help.

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Sunday, December 18th, 2005
9:24 pm - If a Woman is a Cock Tease, a Man is a.....


Let's talk about flirtaton.  There are certian limits to what is considered socially appropriate for accquaintences or friends.  For example, complimenting a woman on her hair...appropriate in any situation.  Discussing your prowess in oral sex....crossing a line.  Then, the woman's starting to expect something. 

Yes, women do not get blue balls.  But women have just the same sexual needs and desires as men.  While true, many men and women don't have the same sexual drive levels, the desires and needs are exactly the same.  It is just as hurtful to a woman to lead them on as it would be to any man. While a man will end up in the shower jacking off, a woman will end up in the shower using the sound of the water to cover up her crying. 

If a woman who you know comes up to you and starts discussing, say her unique skills after years of Klegal exercises, well, you're going to get turned on.  You're going to start expecting things to happen.  Guess what?  It's exactly the same for women.  And it's just as vindictive and nasty to do it to a woman as it would be for a woman to do it to you. It is just as humiliating to a woman as it is to a man. No difference.

Flirt.  Have fun with it.  Flirtation's a wonderful thing.  But my god, use your brain.  Think before you speak and realize that you just may be setting yourself up for hurting someone if you keep crossing that line.  Or who knows?  You may have already hurt them.

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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
10:23 am - Recycling Bins Make for Lousy Gift Giving


Ahh... a more timely topic I couldn't come up with. So here's the tale and, of course it's a Christmas tale.

Twas the morning of Christmas, about five years ago. My family and I were all in the basement den, having already opened all the gifts under the tree. My brother had just arrived and we were unwrapping his gifts to us. He says to my mom, "Let me go get yours." He goes upstairs and we wait....A few minutes later he comes back with a recycling bin. A big blue plastic bin with a recycling symbol on the side. Not some fancy thing with dividers for glass and paper and such. Just a big blue bin with a recycling symbol on the side. Now, mind you, my brother is the golden child. My mother couldn't even fake a smile. She was just plain shocked. My father and I gave each other a look that said, "Oh shit. We're in for hell now." And yep, we were.

We finish with the unwrapping of presents and go upstairs. Mom and I start cooking the traditional Christmas festival of food. As the day progresses, my mother starts to simmer and stew in her anger. But the time that we actually ate, she was a boiling cauldron of rage, her every word laced with resentment over the big blue plastic bin. Twas a very unpleasant Christmas dinner. VERY unpleasant.

Now, the big blue bin of doom still exists. It sits in the garage because it's useful and mom won't throw out anything that's useful. She has her ways of showing her resentment towards it though. She fills it with things for her compost heap. Stinky, moldy rinds; broken egg shells; and used coffee grounds say all that she wants to say about the big blue bin. She even frequently gets a look of distaste on her face whenever she sees it from a distance.

You see, oh gentleman of the world... btw, now's the time to pay attention....whenever we ladies look at a gift we have recieved, we remember the person who gave it to us. Mom doesn't like remembering her golden child son in connection with a big blue plastic bin. She'd much rather remember him over something like a nice sweater or a bottle of perfume.

We ladies like gifts that let us know that you have thought about it and thought about what we like and are interested in. Not a big blue plastic bin. For example...I actually don't like diamonds. To me, they're trite and over done. For me, the ultimate gift of love would be back stage passes to wrestling. Yes, not a typical gift, but it's what I enjoy. And if any man ever did that.... well, he should probably consider clearing his schedule for the following month. He would be busy, very busy.

It's all about the thought and concern and knowing who you're giving it to. But please, dear men, no more big blue bins.

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Saturday, December 10th, 2005
6:58 pm - The Penis Post....Size is Your Issue, Not Mine

It's time to talk about the penis, the johnson, the willy, the dick, the cock, the meat. Whatever you want to call it, I really don't care. Whatever you want to call any of your body parts, I really don't care. Hell, you can your hands the names of various beautiful women, and I still don't care. I'd think you're on the patheticly lame side, but I still wouldn't really care.

Ok men. Now time for a little lesson in female anatomy. The vaginal walls only have nerve endings within the first inch or two going into the vaginal opening. Beyond that short space, we feel pressure and that's it. The manipulations of postions is mostly an attempt for women to have more impact on the internal part of the clitorus. You see, that clitorus extends into the vagina a fair amount. It's not just a little nub. That's all you can see. The rest is inside. And that magic "g" spot you hear of? It's the internal tip of the clitorus.

So, taking that into consideration, do you really think penis size matters that much to us? We don't feel that difference between four and seven inches that seems to consume so much of your intrest and you seem to think consumes so much of ours. Yes, there are resonable limits here. We don't want you falling out and we don't want you getting stuck either. If you're small enough to fall out or not get beyond those one or two inches, it shouldn't take me saying it for you to realize you might want to investigate the various treatments that are available. If you're larger than the vagina is long, well, either be exceptionally careful and expect that you'll never have full insertion or find yourself someone or something that can handle you. I recommend large women, whether they be overweight or tall or both. Their vaginas are larger strictly for the sake that they're larger. Honestly, we tend to find penises that are that large pretty frightening. We think things like, "Man, what's he going to puncture with that?"

To go further, the penis, whether it be erect or flacid, is not the most attractive body part. In ancient Greek art, you see sculptures of torsos, legs, arms, hands, heads...pretty much most body parts. But what you don't see is sculptures proclaiming the beauty of the penis. Within the correct time and place, a penis is a wonderful thing. But just meeting a guy over the internet and being shown a dozen different shots of his penis isn't it. For most women, we're attracted by minds and personalities, not dicks. After all, they pretty much look pretty stupid. The only time we as women have memorable penises is when they are wielded with exceptional skill or are on one end or the other of outside of the norm. Otherwise, a penis is pretty much a penis, no matter who it's attached to.

The two places where penis size really matters is in your own head and in the locker room. Yes, I'm not a man, so I can't testify to how intimidating it must be to deal with a naked guy in front of you who's packing an annaconda when you've got a garden snake. I imagine though it's gotta be a lot like when I was the chestless wonder in junior high during gym watching the girls with the double d's walking around and bouncing their twelve year old boobs for all to envy. But...there's always a downside to those exceptional extremes. Just as women with large breasts are rarely given the respect they deserve for their minds and souls and frequently have back problems that can lead to back surgery or breast reduction and even problems securing adequate employment, men with those huge examples of penises have serious trouble getting action because who can handle them? And man, you gotta imagine it's difficult for them to find pants that are appropriate for a business enviroment. I guess they have to get very loose legs.

Yes, in my years, I've seen a few penises that were definately memorable. One penis had, and I assume still has, three tatooes, all done by the posesser of said penis. One penis had so many piercings that I asked how he managed to not get bladder infections every time he urinated. I had no intrest, though, in experincing that penis in a personal manner. I was afraid of potential injury. After all, we're on the delicate side down there. I've had thirteen stiches down there from child birth. I"d rather not get stiches from something that's supposed to be a pleasurable experience. However, beyond a handful, I remember the men and not their penises. There's not some special space in my mind that's just for visual images of men's penises.

So, I'm sure that there some women that are looking at those penis pictures that most men are willing to share with not only any willing participant, but seemingly hundreds that aren't so willing, and those rare women might even be getting turned on by the experience. Now let's think about those women for a few minutes. Chances are those rare women turned on by the hundreds of shots of penises are pretty darn promiscous. Now I'm sure there's men who think, "Hey, that's great." But let's continue it further. Very promiscuos women have a much higher rate of sexually transmitted disease and tend to not be so concerned about such things as protection for themselves or you. Not only that, but if they're so turned on by the sight of penises, do you want them getting just as turned on by the sight of your best friend's penis, or your boss's, or your mailman's, or the pizza delivery dude's? I think you're starting to get the idea here. And since you know men are more than willing to share the sight of their penises with any willing woman, what makes you think that just because she's turned on by the sight of your's that she's going to be true to it?

Yes, we women know the sight of our bare breasts turns you into weak willed, no brained fools. Yes, we know that the sight of a bare genital region can pretty much get you to agree to just about anything. But here's the problem. Women aren't like that. The sight of your penis coming up on our computers doesn't really do that much for us. Yes, we oh and ahh, but we do it for your egos. Generally, we're thinking things like, "When's he going to show us something I really want to see?"

So, please men, please stop telling us how big your penises are to impress us. Please stop showing us countless pictures of your apendages in any given light. We simply don't care that much.

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Friday, December 9th, 2005
10:58 am - Real Personal Ad Exerpts and their Real Reactions


Yes, these are all real and taken directly from craigslist.com.

It's true. I am desirous and with nobody to focus on. I want an interesting 30 or 40 something woman that knows what she wants.What she wants is a fun and personable 20-something male who has his act together plus is hip and smart.

If you're so desirous, then why are you having to post on a personal ad site? And please, how many 20 anythings REALLY have their act together? If you want to prove that one, show me your MBA and stock portfolio. But chances are, you can only show me the fast food wrappers in the back seat of your Yugo.

I was married for 8 yrs so committment is not an issue for me or a problem. I worked full time and went to school have an AS in IT. I always wanted a woman that was sincere, honest and affecrtionate. My ex in the last 2 yrs of our marriage lost all that. She made it clear that all she wanted was to have 2 kids with me and leave me. Go to find out that she has been seen her ex while I in school.

I caught them and filed for divorce. So now that my divorce is final it time to find a real woman that no like games. A woman that believes a relationship should be based on honesty.

I really feel sorry for this guy. He seems like a sweet man. But...honesty is great and all, but telling your relationship history and making it clear just how hard you were screwed by your ex, hmm....not going to attract many takers unless they're intentionally looking for hurt men. And you know what? Those women are users. Please, man, take some time to heal so you don't get burnt again.

Things that appeal to my carnal nature: humiliation,

Ok...can do.... how does hysterical laughter and pointing when you pull off your pants turn you on, baby?

I am a social drinker, like 420, have some good chronic, looking for a female friend (nice, sexy, fun, likes to smoke) to share with, chat, have some wine and get to know each other. I am on the peninsula. I rolled some fatty's tonight so if your interested, email me and we can exchange pix.

Light up that fatty for your girl's pimp daddy, bro. I'm sure he'll enjoy it after you pay him. Man, if you're asking for low class, you're going to get even lower. The low class women are looking to climb the ladder a rung or two above you. So again, have a nice talk with the pimp and I hope she's got most of her teeth.

I am looking for an attached or married asian or filipina lady that has a good sense of humor, and is looking for a long term discreet intimate relationship.
YOu should also be someone who doenst smoke or doesnt drink.
Are you skinny, or maybe you have a few extra pounds on you. I am not interested in your body type.

Ok, so he not only wants a married woman of a specific race, but he wants a heavy married woman of a specific race that rarely gets overweight. Dude, you so have issues that I can't even begin to got there without spending the next ten years on it.

Mature Young Man Seeks Youthful Older Woman - 22

Oh the paradox. I bet he believes in military intelligence and jumbo shrimp too. I didn't even bother clicking on his ad after just reading the title.



Sorry man, I'm not into egomania. Just not my gig, you know. I'm much more into social conciousness, compassion, and a width and breath of knowledge that I doubt you or your penis have. And, no, I'm not going to be swayed by a picture of your penis in it's erect or flacid state. Why don't you send that out with your christmas card? I"m sure your great aunt will appreciate it.

I"m actually really tempted to respond to this last guy. No, not because I've got any intrest in him, but because he's set up a really easy way to slam him. In just the title, he's shown himself to be arrogant and pretty darn clueless. I"d start out with a nice section on developing the theory of relativity into a function of time, tranisition into how pensis size really isn't as nearly a big a deal to women as it is to men, and finish with explaining that the connotative definitions of cocky always include arrogant and verging on egomainia. I"d sign off with my measurements and that would be it. We'll have to see how well I can reign in my evil streak.

So, finally I get to my point. This is literally a random sample I found in the space of half an hour on one night. I couldn't find my favorite past highlight of craigslist personals. That was from a fifty seven year old. All the ad said was, "Is it so hard to find a hot sexy woman my age with a shaved cooze?".... Um, one who's single and looking for an abrupt, rude shit like you? Yep. It's probably just as hard as you think it is.

Come on men. Look at this. It's stupidity. You'll notice I didn't take any samples from guys that were just looking for sex and were respectful and honest about it. Hey, as long as they're being straight up honest with where they are in life and being respectful about it, I've got no argument. Not all men are looking for a relationship and neither are all women.

Think about it this way... you've got a single sister...imagine if you have to. Do you want her having to read and deal with these asses? Do you want your single mother dealing with it?

It's not that hard. Be honest, be respectful, and don't tell your life story. Tell your specs. Tell your intrests. Tell what kind of relationship you want and leave it at that. That's all it takes. Simple, isn't it? Don't tell us how large your penis is. Mostly we don't care a whole lot. Don't tell us your life story. Don't talk about your mother and how you hate living in her basement. Don't tell us about your Star Wars collection or how many Nascar races you've attended this year. We don't care.

We want to know you're stable, with a steady, decent job, not living with your parents, and not an ass. Yes, each and every woman has personality quirks and physical things they look for. Personally, I look for humor and high intelligence with nice eyes, good calves, and the better the butt....well, you get the idea. I do not, have not, will not, could never, will never date a man for his penis size. Honey, there's so much time that you're not using that and that's the part that matters to us most. Emphasize that, not how many inches or millimeters you're packing in your pants.

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Thursday, December 8th, 2005
3:33 pm - tips for men recently out of a serious relationship


No, I'm not a therapist. I'm not some self proclaimed self help guru. What I am is a thirty year old single, never married woman who has the uncontrolable talent of attracting half of the nation's population of recently seperated, divorced, or just out of long term relationship men. It's an unusual skill that I frequently wish I didn't have. But at least it's taught me a few things. Yes, every one of the following relates directly to my personal experience. So with no further ado...

Rebound is bad business. Ok, so think about this one for a few minutes. Rebounding is using a woman to replace the one you just lost. How insulting is that to both the woman you're trying to be with and yourself? Do you really think when you're being objective and logical that it's really a healthy thing to do? Have some self respect, be sane and logical and deal with the issues you've got before you go off and get involved in another relationship.

It takes two to tango. Own up to your end of the relationship that just ended. It doesn't matter how horrible your former signifigant other was, you were the one who stayed there when she was out cheating and driving you to bankrupcy, weren't you? Or on the other side, were you the one out cheating and living beyond your means? If you don't accept your responsability for what occured in the relationship and deal with the issues that created it, then you're just going to do the same thing over again. People, all people, are creatures of habit. Unless we actively make the choice to examine and change the behaviors and issues that are a detrament to having a healthy life, then we just do the same thing over and over again.

Thereapy is not a four letter word. There's no shame in going to a therapist to work on issues. Actually, as a woman, I find it to be an impressive thing. It means that said man respects himself and whomever he's going to be involved with enough to do what it takes to not have any relationship or future relationship end the same way. Don't be ashamed of having feelings. Guess what? Women know you do already and we have since the fun of interpersonal relationships began. But it's so beyond wrong to turn your prospective new sigifigant other or even your best friend into a therapist. They can help you, they can support you, but they can't replace the benefits of a therapist. Don't try to make them.

Don't find someone to fix you. Change, real change, the kind of change that lasts a lifetime, can only come from yourself. No woman can make you stop drinking. No woman can make you stop cheating or get into a career you enjoy or a thousand other possibilites. Other people can support you, but those decisions for real change can only come from you. You have to decide for yourself if it's something you want and you're willing to do what it takes to get there. No other person can decide that for you or do the work necessary to achieve the goal. Only you.

Don't date a single mother to replace the kids you can't see all the time. As a single mother, this one's a huge one for me. If you were dating me, wouldn't your relationship be with me? You wouldn't be dating my ten year old. Smart single mothers aren't looking for daddies for their children. For those of us who's children's biological fathers aren't involved, the smart single mothers do pretty darn well being the mother and father by ourselves, thank you very much. And really, do you want the mothers who are daddy hunters or just looking for an extra paycheck? They're not looking at you for yourself. They're looking at you to fill a void they don't have the stregnth of character to fill themselves. If you do start dating a single mother and she starts pushing you to be more involved with her children or asking for finacial help with day care or diapers, then you need to take a long hard look at the relationship. Is she with you for you or is she with you to fill the void from her incapacity to fill the job herself?

Don't compare ANY woman to your former partner. This is incredably insulting. It doesn't matter to us what your ex used to do in retaliation for a fight. If we want to know, we'll ask. Don't bring it up. Don't keep saying, "Well, Ex used to do this." Let me put it this way. How would you like it if just before foreplay began, we said, "My ex used to do this to my clitoris." Do you really want to know that?

If you want cheap sex, go to Nevada. Prostitution's legal there and airfare to Vegas is cheap. This is so incredably disrespectful to any woman, it isn't even funny. Yes, many women have one night stands. But the vast majority who do are doing it in the hopes of developing a relationship. While this brings up many issues that women have, namely not being honest with themselves and men about their desires and intentions, your job is to be respectful and remember where most women are coming from. And honestly, is getting laid going to change much in your life? If you're that in need of sex, do what the smart women do. Take care of it yourself. Orgasams are wonderful things, but you can deal with that yourself and not have to use a woman just for that.

Combovers just look stupid. I can't belive how many men think that this is a smart move. First off, it doesn't cover the fact that you're balding. Secondly, what happens when the wind kicks up? I've cracked up many times from the sight of seven inches of hair standing up in the wind with that shiny bald head standing out in the sun. Admit you're balding and get a haircut that looks decent on you regardless of it. After all, balding is linked to high amounts of testosterone. That just means you're more manly. What's to be ashamed of there?

We don't want to be your mid life crisis chicks. Women, for the most part, want serious relationships. We want to be able to have long in depth conversations, cuddling, and all the things that go with it. If you're just looking for some arm candy, there's several strip clubs around where I'm sure if your car's good enough, you'll get what you're looking for. The vast majority of us, however, have no intrest what so ever in that role. Besides the upkeep on arm candy is incredably expensive.

Take care of yourself. There is nothing attractive about an overworked, over stressed, over weight man. Remember Princess Leia had to be chained when she was next to Jaba the Hut. She surely wasn't there by choice. Just as you judge women by appearance, so do we. No, most of us aren't looking for a Chipendales stud muffin. Our desires are more realistic than that. But there are limits. Join a gym. Get a good physical. Get some skin products. If you need to, get a back waxing. Take your vitamins and take care of yourself. It makes you far more attractive and the energy boost and increase of stamina doesn't hurt either.

Learn how to be just friends with women. Sucessful relationships have strong friendships. Look to any couple you know that's been together a long time and is still happy. Do they joke around together? Do they have the same kinds of conversations that any other friends would? If you can't be a friend to a woman, then you can't have a sucessful relationship with them. It won't last if there isn't that bond of friendship because there will always be times where the sex or the romance just isn't enough. It's the friendship that makes it last through those times. As far as the "stuck in the friends zone" fear that most men seem to have, it's a complete and total myth. Men who stay in the just friends zone stay there because the women know that the man is incompatable with what they're looking for in a mate. However, there are many sucessful relationships that began as years of friendship. It's actually a huge plus. It means that the trust necessary for a sucessful relationship is already there. But don't approach any woman for friendship with the intention of eventually getting a relationship. That's decietful. If it happens, it happens. As further proof that it can be done, my best friend of the past fifteen years is a straight man. He and I have never had anything between us. We're really just friends. We're incompatable for a relationship after all, and we know it.

Lastly and most importantly, know where you are in life. Are you emotionally ready for a relationship? Have you finished morning over your last one? Would you be dragging in issues with your ex into a new relationship? Baggage is one thing. A whole line of freight trucks is another. Yes, all adults have some kind of baggage. But are you the carry on kind, or the got to hire a moving company kind? Realisticly, you can't create a good relationship when you've got that much you're dealing with. Deal with what you need to, learn your lessons, and get yourself to the point where you can have a happy, healthy relationship. It's the sanest thing to do.


Women have their own sins to contend with admittedly. Most women aren't even half as straight forward with their desires as they should be. But the two things as a gender where we've got men beat are emotional awareness and taking care of ourselves. Men are far more emotional than is societally portrayed and women are far more logical. As a single women who's dating pool mainly is full of men who are divorced, I'm sick and tired of having to deal with men who just aren't ready for the relationship they want. I'm a self actualized, intelligent, strong, independant woman. I'm just want to find a man who's the same. Make a choice and have the realization that the ending of a relationship is the opportunity to learn and grow and become a happier, healthier person.

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